taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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