i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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