you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize