Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Can Purell be used as lube?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
