I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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