i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
