she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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