Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
