If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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