im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
