dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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