u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
