I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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