cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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