He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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