We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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