2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
pray to the hookup gods
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
