so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
