Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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