Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
