Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
