so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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