The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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