oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
