we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
