can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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