My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he fucked my hip out of place.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
