so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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