i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
