I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
