i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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