Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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