her facebook's as public as her vagina
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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