Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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