When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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