OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
