it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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