So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
and you fell through a lawn chair
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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