I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
