Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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