It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
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My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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