I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
