So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
