No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
