my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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