He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have fence marks all over my body
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
