Pappa wants mamma naked
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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