It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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