And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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