ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Randomize
