he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
