At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
