called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
