I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Is Oprah even human
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
