Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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