Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
