Sober January is a disaster.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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