And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
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Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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