8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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