I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
