Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
