so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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