This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
