You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
