I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
