What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
