my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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