he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
