Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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