No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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